Advice for Women

News reports today indicate that Sandra Bullock’s husband, a “biker dude” named Jesse James, had an 11-month affair with a heavily tattooed woman who’s currently soliciting her “modeling” career online.

Some news outlets speculate that Bullock is the victim of the “Oscar curse,” a strange phenomenon in which female actresses who’ve won the coveted award sometimes break up with their partners soon thereafter.

Since we don’t know the full situation of what should be a very private ordeal, we can only speculate on why men cheat on women. In particular, why do men cheat on beautiful women? If one compares the pictures of Sandra Bullock and her husband’s alleged mistress, one can clearly see that Bullock’s movie-star beauty far outshines her competitor’s.

But this cheating thing seems to happen to women, regardless of what they look like. Ethan Hawke cheated on Uma Thurman. Jude Law cheated on Sienna Miller. Brad Pitt may have cheated on Jennifer Aniston.

Beautiful women, apparently, are not immune to the problem of men cheating.

Therefore, it can be assumed that men cheat for the reasons already thrown out over the years:

1. They find something emotionally missing in their love life with their partner.

2. They feel threatened by their partner’s success, and cheating is a way to reclaim that power.

3. They feel emasculated by the woman they are with, and choose a less-intimidating woman to cheat with.

4. Men, in general, cheat on women more than women cheat on men. And that’s just the way it is.

Uma Thurman, during an interview with Howard Stern, says that she thinks that all men cheat.

Do they? What do you think?

With the recent death of John Hughes, I’ve been thinking about our heroes from the 1980s. A lot has been made of Jake Ryan, the hearthrob character in “Sixteen Candles.” Everyone remembers he chose Molly Ringwald over his popular, blonde, cheerleader girlfriend. But is he the ultimate movie catch?

But what about Lloyd, played by John Cusack in “Say Anything”? There’s not a woman who has seen that movie and doesn’t A) have the image of him holding his boombox over his head playing Peter Gabriel burned into her head B) spend half her time wondering if her boyfriend would ever do that for her C) spend her entire life trying to find a boyfriend who might someday do that for her.

Lindsay Lohan is such a beautiful young woman. Obviously talented, obviously in need of serious help. Where are her friends who could possibly talk her out of making a fool out of herself over her on-again, off-again girlfriend? Where is that one person in her life who will tell her that spending two hours on her girlfriend’s porch, waiting for her to come home, is just not a good idea?

Her pain and desperation is such a shame. I feel for her. And she makes me feel utterly sad that even a gorgeous, successful actress can still be reduced to a puddle of mush because of her partner.

The gossip mags like to call Lindsay pathetic, and Samantha the “stable” one. This is complete bullshit.

Women don’t act pathetic and desperate unless they’re driven to it. My guess is that Samantha is pretty good at making Lindsay feel like she can’t live without her. People who are stable and good partners don’t have girlfriends wait for them for two hours and then break down in tears. It doesn’t work that way.

I wish there was someone in Lindsay’s life who could talk some sense into her. Sam’s just not worth it. Nobody is worth that level of pain.

OK, so Jon Gosselin leaves his wife to go gallivant with young blondes. He doesn’t seem to have an actual job. He has a bazillion kids. He’s not conventionally attractive. He does not appear to be that bright. And yet, this guy is somehow a catch to female tabloid reporters and professional party girls?

I don’t get it. Who the hell is this guy and why do these women want him?

The whole fiasco makes me sick.

Robert Redford is taken.

Reuters has reported that the 72-year-old actor and director has married his longtime girlfriend, Sibylle Szaggars.

I love this story for a few reasons. One, it shows that even 51-year-old women can get married. (Yes, she’s a refreshing 51, not 21!)  Two, it shows that eventually men will settle down. Three, the woman Redford married is not a famous actress; she’s beautiful for sure, but she also looks quite normal. Which is an inspiration to the rest of us.

What does this teach single women?

Be patient.

I’m quite certain Ms. Szaggars did not spend the last 10 years of her life nagging her boyfriend to marry her, pitching fits when he said he wasn’t ready, nor storming out of the room after tantrums about how he doesn’t love her enough.

Just a thought.

Who the hell is Bradley Cooper?

He’s a B-list actor who recently appeared in “He’s Just Not that Into You” (required viewing for all single women).

Apparantly, some of the gossip mags pegged him and Jennifer Aniston as an item. Instead of doing the gentlemanly thing, which would be to say “No comment,” this jerk actually denied it, vehemently. According to People, he said, “I only met her 3 times in my life.” He went on to blab “she’s just a friend.”

This is a whopper of a lie. There’s no way that he met her “just” 3 times if he worked on a movie with her.  

Is dating Jennifer Aniston that repulsive to him that he felt the need to completely deny he even KNEW her? What is going on in the world?

And who the hell does this guy think he is?

Would you take dating advice from Ashton Kutcher or Justin Timberlake?

The celebrity whores over at Glamour magazine are offering dating tips from these two men this month. Justin Timberlake’s dating do’s and don’ts include not dressing too trendy, while Ashton advises women to stay away from players.

I don’t much care for Timberlake and his many women, but I actually am a fan of Kutcher because I respect men who marry the women they love.

Recently, I had the pleasure of a short Twitter exchange with a famous band member. I advised women to stay away from him after he retweeted a silly post from Sarah Silverman.

Besides receiving my first “you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about” tweet from a girl who’s Twitter name is taken from the musician’s songs, I also received a congratulations on my “perceptiveness” from the band member.

Why did I advise women to stay away from him?

Ladies, you can do better than a guy who complains about not having a girlfriend, while he churns through as many as he can write songs about.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is currently writing a dating and relationship advice book, due to be released in the winter of 2010.

The Day I Shot Cupid will surely include lots of personal anecdotes featuring famous ex-boyfriends.

Self-help books are great, and Jennifer Love Hewitt has an impressive if shady dating record (John Mayer?)